Job: A Comedy of Justice

Quotes from

Job: A Comedy of Justice

by Robert A. Heinlein
(November 1992 Del Ray paperback edition.)

The difference between a coward and a brave man is mostly a matter of timing. (13)

If you can learn not to jump when the firecracker goes off - or whatever the surprise is - you stand a good chance of being able to hang tight until the emergency is over . (13)

It's the little things that trip you. (19)

If you grab a bull by the horns, you at least confuse him. (25)

There was nothing sinful about looking at feminine loveliness unadorned. It was as innocent as looking at flowers or kittens - but far more fun. (54)

My only regret involved the sad knowledge that I could not handle the amount of alcohol I would have enjoyed. (54)

I once had a neighbor whose knowledge of history was limited to two dates, 1492 and 1776, and even those two he mixed up as to which events each marked. His ignorance in other fields was just as profound; nevertheless he earned an excellent living as a paving contractor. (57)

It does not require a broad education to function as a social and economic animal... as long as you know when to rub blue mud in your bellybutton. But a mistake in local customs can get you lynched. (57)

Never marry a woman who prays too much. (69)

I started to say 'impossible,' then decided that, from me, that word was silly. (89)

The supreme irony of life is that hardly anyone gets out alive. (93)

Correction: I have you; that changes the odds. (95)

Paranoia. The delusion that the whole world is a conspiracy. Only it's not a delusion. (100)

At first I was a bit miffed that we ate in the enlisted men's mess rather than going with Lieutenant Sanz to wherever the officers ate. Much later I had it pointed out to me that I suffered from a very common civilian syndrome, i.e., a civilian with no military experience unconsciously equates his social position to that of officers, never to that of enlisted men. On examination this notion is obviously ridiculous - but it is almost universal. (112)

Many theologians believe that no human social organization could stand up under the strain of absolute honesty. If you think their misgivings are unfounded, try telling your friends the ungarnished truth about what you think of their offspring - if you dare risk it. (121)

Some problems are best let be, not chewed over with words. This modern compulsion to "talk it out" is a mistake at least as often as it is a solution. (132)

Most people who sneer at technology would starve to death if the engineering infrastructure were removed. (196)

It's amazing what few Marines armed to their eyebrows can do to keep an election honest. (215)

I don't see how an article of clothing can be indecent...a person, yes. (230)

Beauty is not diminished by being shared. (230)

A miracle that takes place again and again is no longer a miracle; it's just a nuisance. (249)

You know that I love my wife. That is basic, like the speed of light, like the love of God the Father. Know ye now that I learned to love another person, a women, without detracting from my love for [my wife], without wishing to take her from her lawful mate, without lusting to posses her. Or at least not much. (266)

Theology is never any help; it is searching in a dark cellar at midnight for a black cat that isn't there. (283)

Theologians can persuade themselves of anything. (283)

Anyone who can worship a trinity and insist that his religion is monotheistic can believe anything--just give him time to rationalize it. (283)

Piety does not imply horse sense. (330)

Here's another one that bothers me. Jesus had brothers and sisters; is the Virgin Mary still a virgin? (331)

It is a holy paradox that anyone who thinks he is a saint never is. (359)

Early on, I tried to entertain myself by reliving in memory the happiest times in my life - and found that happy memories made me sad. So I thought about sad occasions and that was worse. (367)

With patience and plenty of saliva the elephant deflowered the mosquito. (369)

Satan, receive my soul; Jesus is a fink. (369)

Sex can involve sin, surely - any human act can involve cruelty and injustice. But sex alone held no taint of sin. (385)

Poor little human. Did you think that I wanted to dicker for your scrawny soul ? Oh come! There's no market for souls today, there are far too many of them and quality is way down.
- Satan (393)

Uh... is this Texas? Or is it hell?
Matter of opinion.
Is there a difference?
Hard to tell. (399)

'Justice' is not a divine concept; it is a human illusion. The very basis of the Judeo-Christian code is injustice, the scapegoat system. The scapegoat sacrifice runs all through the Old Testament, then it reaches its height in the New Testament with the notion of the Martyred Redeemer. How can justice possibly be served by loading your sins on another? Whether it be a lamb having its throat cut ritually, or a Messiah nailed to a cross and 'dying for your sins.' Somebody should tell all of Yahweh's followers, Jews and Christians, that there is no such thing a free lunch. (411)

'Thy will be done--' No Muslim claiming to be a 'slave of God' ever gave more sweeping consent than that. In that prayer you invite Him to do His worst. The perfect masochist. (412)

The Old Hebrew word translated [in Exodus 22:18] as witch actually means 'poisoner.' Not letting a poisoner continue to breathe strikes me as a good idea. But I wonder how many friendless old women have been hanged or burned as a result of a sloppy translation? (415)

Almost everything about a human creature is ridiculous, except its ability to suffer bravely and die gallantly for whatever it loves and believes in. (428)

Heaven is where Margrethe is. (439)